


ceramic pieces

by amybri2002



Series: febuwhump 2021 [14]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Suicide Attempt, i am so sorry about this one logan does not deserve this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29462553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amybri2002/pseuds/amybri2002
Summary: Logan has an argument with Roman. This does not end well.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: febuwhump 2021 [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138040
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	ceramic pieces

**Author's Note:**

> ok so i meant to post this yesterday and then. didn’t. but it’s here now! day fourteen! the prompt for this one was ‘i didn’t mean it’ and please god check the warnings in the tags for this one i am so so sorry.

Logan furiously wiped at the tears gathering in his eyes, dripping down his face, desperately trying to  _ fucking pull himself together _ . This shouldn’t be affecting him so much - this kind of stuff never affected him before, what was different about it now? Why did he want to tear his heart out and lay on the floor, bleeding out until his eternal suffering finally fucking ended? 

That was probably what Roman wanted. 

What all of them wanted. 

What… Thomas wanted. 

Roman’s words repeated over and over in his mind. Their argument, the final moments until Logan decided it was best to just… remove himself. They didn’t want him. Roman had said so himself. 

“Seriously, it’s like none of you even want to listen to me,” he’d told them. “You all need me around, why are you-“ 

“Thomas  _ doesn’t  _ need you.” 

The room had fallen silent, Logan frozen in place, but… he just kept going. 

“I mean, look around, why would Thomas need you right now? He’s out of school, he never does follow those schedules you make for him, he’s an  _ actor  _ for God’s sake,  _ why would he need you? _ ” 

Logan was fairly certain that Roman had said more after that. He hadn’t heard, already sunken out and crying in his room. Wanting desperately to just… disappear. That’s what the others wanted, wasn’t it? 

He’d be doing them a favour. 

He… 

When he’d first came into the room, he’d… broken a mug that had been sitting on his desk, not on purpose, he just brushed past it on his way to the bed, but now realised that there were… pieces of ceramic all over the floor. Sharp. With shaky hands and shaky breath, he learns over to pick a shard up, holding the sharper edge to his wrist. If he could just cut deep enough to- deep enough that he… 

This is what they wanted, right? 

He wasn’t needed anymore. Probably just a nuisance, to the others, just… just a waste of space, probably doing Thomas more harm than good. This would be good, for the others. They wouldn’t have to deal with him any more, he wouldn’t have to deal with their mistreatment, everything… everything would be fine. 

Just as the shard was about to make contact with his skin, there was a knock on his door, and Logan faltered, moving the shard away again, for a moment. It still cut into his palm, with his tightly he gripped it, but… he hardly even noticed that. 

“Logan?” a voice called on the other side of the door. Roman’s voice. That was the  _ last  _ person he wanted to see right now. “Logan, can- can I come in, please?” 

Logan was silent for a moment, still staring down at his wrist, tears stopped but breathing still slightly sporadic, heart beating faster in his chest. 

Apparently, Roman took Logan’s silence as something to be  _ very  _ concerned about, which… to be fair, it probably was. He knocked again, louder this time. “Logan? You in there?” But once again, Logan didn’t respond. “Okay, I’m… coming in-“ 

The door opened, and panic completely took over. Because- Because now Roman had  _ seen _ , the shard was still right up against Logan’s wrist, and- and with the shock from Roman coming in, he’d started to press down, he- 

The next moment, Roman had dived over towards Logan, eyes wide, grabbing his arm and forcing it away. “Jesus fucking Christ, Logan, what- what are you  _ doing _ ?” 

Logan breath hitched, tears beginning to stream down his face again, but… he didn’t attempt to struggle, didn’t attempt to get Roman off him, even if his grip remained strong around the shard. “I’m- I’m not needed anymore,” he tried to explain, ignoring how hoarse his voice was, how  _ terrified  _ he sounded, “so I’m… removing myself.” Saying it out loud, he… began to have his doubts, but- but this has to be done, didn’t it? 

Roman just looked shocked, almost as scared as Logan. “What the  _ fuck _ ?” he breathed, slowly lowering Logan’s arm, taking the shard out of his hand. Again, Logan didn’t attempt to stop him. “Why the fuck would you want to do that?” 

Logan gulped, glancing away. “I… I mean, you said it yourself, Thomas doesn’t need me. So what’s the point in sticking around? Without me, you’d all have a lot more space, and more control over Thomas, you wouldn’t have to worry about me, and- and…” He closed his eyes. Did he really want this? 

No, it didn’t matter what  _ he  _ wanted. 

All that mattered was Thomas. 

“I’ll be doing Thomas a favour, by leaving.” 

There was a heavy silence in the room, Roman sat there in shock, Logan just waiting for an opportunity to get that shard back. Maybe he should have tried to grab another piece? 

No. 

No, he knew that he had to do this, but… he couldn’t let Roman watch. He didn’t deserve to see that. 

Logan took in a deep breath. “I’d appreciate it if you left now. I’m sure you’ll agree with me when I say that this isn’t something you want to watch.” 

Roman looked… genuinely horrified by that, causing Logan to look away. “Jesus Christ, Lo, I’m- I’m not letting you do that, what the  _ fuck _ -“

Logan blinked, looking back up over at Roman. “Wh-Why not? I mean… you’re the one who said that Thomas didn’t need me anymore, why would you want me to stick around?” 

“I didn’t  _ mean  _ it!” Roman exclaimed, causing Logan to flinch back, at the sudden volume. “I- Christ…” He ran a hand through his hair, looking like he didn’t quite know what to say. “I was caught up in the argument and wasn’t  _ thinking _ and- God, Logan, I’m so, so sorry, I- I never meant for you to do  _ this _ .” 

Logan stared at Roman for a moment, trying desperately to believe his words, but… no, he knew that he’d been right the first time. It had been a long time coming, really - the others had been listening to him less and less, his input wasn’t needed most of the time, he wouldn’t be surprised if soon enough he would just fade from existence. This was just… speeding that process up. He didn’t  _ want  _ to die, of course he didn’t, but… he couldn’t see another way out of this. 

He stood up, reaching over for another shard. Roman wasn’t going to leave, but he… still had to do this. But before he could grab one, Roman was already standing up as well, holding him back. “Logan,  _ no _ . Just…” He sighed. “Sit back down for me, I’m going to clean this up, and then we’ll… clean you up as well, okay?” 

Logan couldn’t find it in him to argue, or fight back as Roman pushed him back to the bed. He stared down at the floor as Roman gathered up the broken mug, threw the pieces away, left for Logan’s bathroom, and returned with a first aid kit. He stayed perfectly still as Roman cleaned up the cuts on Logan’s hand, and the small one on his wrist, unfortunately not deep enough to do any proper damage, but… but as Logan looked down at it, he began to realise how much it hurt. Did he want to hurt? He… 

He didn’t want to hurt. He didn’t want to die. He didn’t want to fade. 

So he let Roman bandage everything up, and then hold him close, in a tight hug. Tears streamed down Logan’s face, but he didn’t have the energy to try to stop them, try to wipe them away. He just… sat there in Roman’s arms, trying to breathe, and Roman never let go. 

...maybe things would be okay. With time. 

“I’m- I’m sorry, Roman-“ 

“Shh,” Roman whispered, gently rubbing Logan’s back, holding him close to his chest. “You have nothing to apologise for.  _ I  _ should apologise, for… making you feel that way. I… I am sorry, Logan. So, so sorry. But I’m going to make it up to you, okay? You’re not dying anytime soon.” 

Logan fell into a silence, bringing up his arms around Roman and hugging him back, clinging on tightly to the back of his shirt. He didn’t want to die, and… Roman didn’t either? 

It may take a while for him to believe that. 

But… he’d be okay. Just needed some time. 

He wasn’t dying today. 


End file.
